Boundary Power: Take Control
SET BOUNDARIES FIND PEACE: BY NEDRA GLOVER TAWWAB
Let’s be honest—setting boundaries isn’t always easy. For a long time, I didn’t fully understand their importance, and once I started implementing them, it was a game-changer. Boundaries create peace, empowerment, and self-respect—but many of us were never taught how to set them.
I often hear people say, “Boundaries? What are those?” And they’re not wrong to ask. If we grew up in households where boundaries weren’t modeled, it makes sense that they feel unfamiliar—even uncomfortable—to set.
In Set Boundaries and Find Peace, Nedra Tawwab reshapes the way we think about boundaries. One of the biggest takeaways from her book? There are six types of boundaries:
Physical
Emotional
Intellectual
Material
Time
Sexual
When I first learned this, it completely shifted my understanding. Boundaries aren’t just about saying no—they touch every aspect of our lives. Recognizing which areas lack boundaries can be the first step toward creating healthier relationships and a stronger sense of self.
Why Boundaries Matter
Tawwab breaks down what happens when we don’t set boundaries—and it hit home. Without clear boundaries, we often experience:
Overwhelm and burnout
Resentment toward others
A loss of self-identity
Reading this made me reflect on my own life. How many times had I said yes when I really meant no? How often had I felt drained by relationships that didn’t feel reciprocal? Tawwab’s book helped me realize that boundaries aren’t just about protecting our time and energy—they’re about protecting our emotional well-being.
Not Everyone Will Like Your Boundaries
One of the hardest parts of setting boundaries? The pushback.
People who benefited from you having none may not take your new boundaries well. And those who struggle with boundaries themselves might not understand yours. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing something right.
When you start setting boundaries, pay attention to how others respond:
Do they respect your limits, even if they’re surprised?
Do they push back or try to guilt-trip you?
Do they dismiss or ignore your needs?
Their reactions can tell you a lot about the health of those relationships.
Resentment as a Signal
Some people believe resentment isn’t real—that it’s just a reflection of poor boundaries. I used to struggle with this idea, but it makes sense:
When we don’t set limits, we often find ourselves over-accommodating others, saying yes when we don’t want to, and ignoring our own needs. Resentment creeps in when we feel unheard, unseen, or taken advantage of. It’s not just frustration—it’s a red flag telling us to step back and reassess.
By acknowledging resentment as a signal rather than an emotion to suppress, we can start making real changes in how we show up in our relationships.
Your First Step Toward Stronger Boundaries
A simple way to start? Observe the boundaries of those around you.
Do certain people have solid, healthy boundaries?
Do others have poor boundaries and struggle with saying no?
How do different types of boundaries (time, emotional, physical) play out in your relationships?
