Anxiety Unveiled: A Unique Perspective
IT’S NOT ALWAYS DEPRESSION: BY HILARY JACOBS HENDEL
Before reading It's Not Always Depression, my understanding of anxiety felt broad and distant. I could recognize when jittery feelings crept in, but I couldn’t explain them beyond, "I'm feeling anxious." Anxiety would show up without warning—some days as a low hum in the background, other days as an overwhelming force.
Reading Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s book shifted my perspective on anxiety, helping me see it not just as a standalone experience but as a signal—one that points to something deeper.
The Power of Core Emotions
The book helps us to understand that we are biologically wired with seven core emotions—anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement. Each one of these emotions, evolutionarily speaking, exists for a reason.
When you start to understand these core emotions, your relationship with anxiety begins to shift. Instead of seeing it as an isolated, overwhelming force, you can recognize it as a signal—your mind and body’s way of pointing you toward deeper emotions that need your care and attention.
For example
Anger protects us by signaling when boundaries have been crossed.
Fear heightens our awareness of potential danger.
Sadness helps us process loss and seek connection.
The Change Triangle
Hendel introduces a tool called the Change Triangle to help us navigate our emotional world. Imagine an upside-down triangle:
The top corners represent defense mechanisms (like avoidance, overthinking, or numbing) and inhibitory emotions (like shame, guilt, and anxiety).
The bottom point is where our core emotions live.
When we suppress or disconnect from our emotions, they don’t disappear. Instead, they show up as anxiety, stress, or even physical symptoms. But anxiety is too broad and doesn’t give us any information about what is really going on inside of us.
The Change Triangle model helps to remind us to drop down into our core emotions so that we can identify with more clarity what we are experiencing instead of staying somewhere paralyzed and unclear from anxiety.
Naming What You Feel
Anxiety is often a cover for something deeper. When it arises, try asking:
Am I actually feeling fear?
Is there sadness beneath this anxiety?
Could anger be present here?
Many of the people I work with feel pressured to understand why they are feeling a certain way. But the truth is, you don’t always have to know the reason. The first step is simply naming the emotion and allowing yourself to feel it.
A Practice in Self-Compassion
Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them go away—it amplifies them. Learning to meet your feelings with self-compassion is essential.
This means:
Acknowledging emotions without judgment.
Recognizing that emotions need space, not suppression.
Being patient with yourself when emotions arise unexpectedly.
The next time anxiety surfaces, I encourage you to pause, think about the Change Triangle, and explore what your emotions might be trying to tell you.
Journaling or recording your thoughts—whether in a notebook or voice notes—can be an incredibly helpful tool. This is something I work on often with my patients, and I’d be happy to explore it more with you.
