Trauma & Inner Child Therapy in Vancouver
Understanding how earlier experiences can shape the way you relate to yourself and others today.
A lot of the work I do eventually circles back to a younger version of the person sitting across from me. That isn't because everything comes down to childhood, and we won't spend months digging through your past for the sake of it. But many of the ways we relate to ourselves and others were set up early, long before we had words for what was going on.
How Childhood Experiences Can Show Up in Adulthood
A child who learns that having needs creates conflict may become an adult who rarely asks for anything. A child who has to caretake a parent’s emotions may become extraordinarily attuned to everyone else’s feelings while struggling to recognize their own. Someone who learned that love was conditional may grow into an adult who works very hard to remain lovable. These patterns often made sense at the time. They helped you adapt to the relationships and environments you were growing up in. But the strategies that once protected you can follow you into adulthood, even when they are no longer serving you in the same way.
Perfectionism, people-pleasing, avoidance, anxiousness, difficulty setting boundaries, fear of rejection, shame, self-criticism, and the feeling of being “too much” can all make much more sense when we understand the story they developed within.
Understanding the Adaptations You Learned
This is often the crux of the work I do with patients. We begin by putting the story into language and, together, we become curious about what happened, what you learned from it, what you needed at the time, and what you had to do in order to adapt. We look at the beliefs you may have formed about yourself and others, and the rules you learned about what it means to be in relationships.
For many of my patients, those beliefs sound something like:
I have to take care of everyone.
My needs are a burden.
I can’t make mistakes.
I have to be useful to be loved.
I can’t depend on anyone.
I need to keep the peace.
These beliefs can feel like facts when you have carried them for most of your life. But often, they began as adaptations.
What Is Inner Child Work?
Inner child work gives us an opportunity to meet those adaptations with the perspective and resources you have now as an adult. Rather than simply telling yourself, “I know that’s not true anymore,” we work toward something deeper: understanding why a younger version of you came to believe it in the first place. When we get activated or dysregulated, that’s the que that our younger self has entered the room. I often invite patients to imagine their younger self and notice what happens in their body when they connect with them. From there, we will begin cultivating a conversation, a relationship between your wise adult self and your younger self who originally lived through those experiences. We will explore what your younger self was afraid of, what they needed, what they were trying to protect, and what they should never have had to carry alone.
Trauma & Inner Child Therapy
May Support You With
People-pleasing or feeling responsible for other people’s emotions
Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes
Shame and persistent self-criticism
Difficulty identifying or expressing your own needs
Difficulty setting or maintaining boundaries
Feeling like you are “too much”
Fear of rejection or abandonment
Understanding how earlier experiences continue to affect you in adulthood
Relationship patterns that feel difficult to change
Feeling responsible for keeping the peace
Difficulty depending on other people
What This Work Can Look Like in Therapy
Inner child work is not about blaming your childhood for everything that happens in your adult life. We are looking for facts, not faults. The facts help us understand the why. We will be curious about where certain patterns came from so that we can understand them with more compassion. Eventually, the work becomes less about getting rid of the younger parts of yourself and more about changing who is taking care of whom, because ultimately that little you isn’t going anywhere. Your younger self no longer has to run the show and is no longer going to be driving the car.
Your wise adult self can begin to say:
I understand why you learned to do this. It helped us survive something you didn’t know how to survive any other way. But you don’t have to do it alone anymore. I’m here now.
From there, we can begin exploring what it looks like to respond differently in the present: to have needs, set boundaries, make mistakes, depend on other people, take up space, and build relationships that are not governed by the same rules you learned when you were younger.
How ADHD Counselling Can Help
ADHD counselling supports both the practical challenges and the emotional impact of living with ADHD.
In therapy, we may focus on:
Executive functioning (planning, organization, follow-through)
Developing routines that work with your brain
Emotional regulation and nervous system support
Reducing overwhelm and burnout
Shifting shame and self-criticism
Improving communication and relationships
Rather than trying to “fix” you, therapy helps you work with your wiring and build systems that are realistic, flexible, and sustainable.
My Approach to ADHD Therapy
My approach to ADHD counselling is trauma-informed, attachment-based, and neurodiversity-affirming.
Many adults with ADHD have spent years being misunderstood, criticized, or pushing themselves to function in ways that don’t align with how their brain works. In therapy, I offer a space to slow down, understand your patterns, and develop tools that feel supportive rather than punishing. This work is collaborative, relational, and grounded in self-compassion. Rather than trying to “fix” you, we focus on working with your wiring and building systems that are realistic, flexible, and sustainable.
I work with adults who:
suspect they may have ADHD or are exploring a diagnosis
have a formal ADHD diagnosis
experience inattentive or combined-type ADHD
struggle with executive dysfunction, emotional overwhelm, or burnout
feel caught in cycles of shame, self-criticism, or chronic self-doubt
are looking for therapy that is validating, practical, and relational
This approach is especially supportive for adults who have spent much of their lives masking or over-functioning, and who are now seeking understanding rather than more pressure.
Frequently Asked Questions
About ADHD Counselling
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ADHD counselling does not replace medical care, but many people seek therapy at different points in their ADHD journey.
Some people begin counselling before pursuing an ADHD assessment, while waiting for a diagnosis, alongside medication, or as a non-medication-based approach.
My therapeutic work focuses on insight, skills, emotional regulation, and self-understanding, whether or not medication is part of your treatment plan.
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No. Many patients begin counselling while exploring whether ADHD may be part of their experience. Therapy can help clarify patterns and offer support regardless of diagnosis.
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Yes. ADHD counselling often focuses on planning, organization, time management, and follow-through — in ways that are adapted to your brain.
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No. Therapy also addresses emotional regulation, burnout, self-worth, and the impact ADHD has had on your identity and relationships.
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Yes. I work with many women who were undiagnosed or misdiagnosed earlier in life and are seeking clarity, support, and self-understanding.
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Yes. I offer ADHD therapy online across British Columbia, as well as in-person sessions in Vancouver.
Book ADHD Counselling in Vancouver
If ADHD is affecting your focus, emotions, or sense of self, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Book a free 20-minute consultation to explore whether ADHD counselling is the right fit for you.
If you do not see any appointment times that work for you, please email connect@erinmalki.com, as I may have additional availability on my end.